Reader Report: Standing for Something

Title:
Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes

Author:
Gordon B. Hinckley

Publishing Info:

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Honestly, I didn't love this book. It was written much likea General Conference talk, but nearly 300 pages. Long talk, right? President Hinckley said amazing inspirational things, it was just long for something with a short attention span like me.

Instead of doing a summary/thoughts/quotes report like I usually do, I'm going to talk about my life and how this book fit into it. 

To start off, the layout of this book is simple: our world is great but in trouble, here are individual virtues that can remedy our situation, and here are ways to safeguard and grow those virtues. The first nine virtues are: love, honesty, morality, civility, learning, forgiveness and mercy, thrift and industry, gratitude, and optimism. This book had some great sections and one-liners, but there are just too many to share with you guys (these reports have been pretty long and boring lately). 

Here's my experience with the book: I checked it out from my hometown library in May. I wanted to read books written by prophets and apostles, so I found the Religion/Christian section, then the Mormon shelf. This was the only written by a General Authority, and I'm glad it was Hinckley because he's my favorite (I can't wait for his Teachings of Presidents of the Church book to come out!) 

If you've read personal posts on here, you might know that I'm the only member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in my family, and that my parents aren't too happy with my decision. Well, since I've moved back home from my college town, I've been going to church happily, but alone. Last Sunday, my parents asked me to go to church with them. This was hard for me, because I really want to go to sacrament meeting (and I know that Heavenly Father wants me to, also), but I also wanted to strengthen my family relationships (because I know that families are important to Heavenly Father). I prayed about it a lot. A lot. 

On Thursday, I watched a video. I won't go into detail because it's not uplifting. Basically, it was an interview about faith. And though it was meant to strengthen faith, it made me question. I wondered if I'd made the right choice in being baptized. Then, I opened my journal. I saw the bright colors and bulletins from church. The Holy Ghost reminded me of what I'd learned in these meetings, what I'd taken notes on in my personal studies, and what I'd cried to God about in these pages. In my journals, I learn that God loves me. I know that He's here, I know that He's listening to us. 

That night, my missionary, Sister A called. I didn't answer so she left a message, telling me to call back because she had a favor to ask. Oh my, I thought. The next day, I called her back. She said she wanted me to skype in for a lesson with a girl in her area who wants to be baptized but is experiencing opposition from her family. She thought I could help. I was very hesitant, considering what I'd been thinking and feeling regarding my own faith, but I agreed. 

On Saturday, I asked my parents if we could talked about going to church on Sunday. We ended up talking for hours about my joining the church and how they thought I'd made a wrong choice. And it got to me. What if I had made a wrong choice? Do I even know what I believe? I had been so sure, but then I'm wasn't. What was I supposed to do? How do I know what's right? And Sister A wants me to help this young girl keep the faith. How can I help her when I can't even keep it myself?

Then I looked at my journal. "First and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe" (Elder Jeffery R. Holland). Keep going, I thought. And then, "Rescued by the Gospel." I remembered where I was before I found this. I remembered that this gospel had in fact, rescued me. I didn't want to go back to that life without this. I may not be able to explain that, but I know it. I thought, The Book of Mormon is true, and I need it in my life.

Then I picked up my book to read. The next chapter, the tenth virtue, was entitled: "Faith: Our Only Hope." I thought, how perfect to read about faith from a prophet of God, when I have so little of it. He said faith is real and strong and powerful. He said that we have no greater motivation than the knowledge that we are children of the Almighty and that He will help us achieve. He said, "Vibrant testimony comes of anxious seeking" (p 110). He said, "I know that He is intensely interested in our lives, that I can speak with Him in prayer, and that He will hear and listen" (p 110). I thought, I need to know that. That I am loved and heard.

Before bed that night, I sat writing in my journal.

I know the gospel is true. I know the Plan of Salvation is true. I know that the Savior walked the lonely path so I don't have to. I know that His love and mercy are stronger than my weaknesses. I know that I belong in this Church. I know that this is where God wants me. I know that this is where I will find peace, hope, and guidance, in the Book of Mormon and this Church, I know that Heavenly Father "doesn't intend to save just a few of His children" (movie, The Restoration, Intellectual Reserve, 2006), and that He didn't drop us here to grope in darkness. I know that we have a prophet today, who teaches the whole world about God and Jesus Christ. I know that he stands at the head of this, Christ's Church, which contains the fulness of ordinances, and all truth pertinent to salvation. 

This book renewed my faith exactly when I needed it. I encourage you to record your testimony periodically, so that when you are in times of doubt, you can go back and look at what you said. It's one things to have someone else tell you they believe, it's another thing entirely to have yourself tell you that you believe.

Keep the faith, and carry on.

"I believe that God will always make a way, even when there appears to be no way."

Faith is for the Future

“There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

C. S. Lewis

Yesterday, I traveled back to my college town to visit friends and attend my high school's graduation. It was a good day. I had lunch with Sister M and Sister D2, went to graduation, and visited my surrogate parents. I so enjoyed seeing everyone. When I said goodbye to the sisters, I said "Oh man, this is like leaving all over again." It was almost like ripping open a healing wound. Today, I have thought of them and Sister A constantly. I miss all three of them. I'm not thriving in my new ward as I was before; I don't know anyone, I don't feel at home. I loved them, I loved spending time with them, I was home in that city.

Today, I was reading in Genesis. I came across the story of Lot's wife. I remembered a talk on my "to read" list by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Faith is for the Future: 'Remember Lot's Wife.'" In Genesis 19, God commanded Lot and his family to flee Sodom, to leave a lot of things behind in that city. And Lot's wife looked back. "She wasn't just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. . . . It is possible that Lot’s wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We certainly know that Laman and Lemuel were resentful when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn’t just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. . . . I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. . . . she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had."

I have been looking back. I have been longing to return to the past, to the days in my college town with Sister A and Sister M and Sister D2. I have been resentful. My attachment to the past, though it was a very good time, has caused me to forget the glorious future that God has planned for me. Elder Holland was talking to me when he said "she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had." I have been doubting God's ability to bring me something better than I have had. But I know that He brought me here for a wonderful purpose, here with my family.

Today, I'm looking forward. Faith is for the future. God has promised to transform us and bring us a future better than anything we've had before, better than anything we can imagine. Though I have had good things in my past, I have to remember that things will only get better as long as I am following the Lord's plan for my life.

In his address, Elder Holland shared a story from early in his marriage. Money was tight, he and his wife worked all the time, and he wondered if finishing college was worth it. His wife, smart woman that she is, said: "We are not going back. We are not going home. The future holds everything for us." I am taking Sister Holland's advice. I am not going back to those days with Sister A and Sister M. I am not going back to my college town. I am not going back to my home ward. I am moving forward. "Faith is for the future." I am trusting in God's plan for my future.

"Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, or trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. . . . I leave a blessing on you--every one of you--to be able to do so and to be happy, in the name of Him who makes it all possible, even the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Decorating, Dancing, and Other Life Things

Wow! Again, I have been so busy. Lots has been going on.

For about two weeks, I've been working in our home (painting in my parents' bathroom, moving furniture in my and my sister's room, and decorating) every day. It's been a task! My room is almost done (I'm just waiting on my desk, which I'm inheriting from my aunt). It's really exciting and I'm loving the change of scenery. I also hooked up my TV and Pac-Man game from my dorm room, so the siblings have loved hanging out in my room and playing games.

Since it's the end of the school year, I went to my brother and sister's awards programs this week. After each, my grandma took them and me out for an afternoon of whatever they wanted to do. With my brother, he chose lunch at Popeye's (crazy kid), and we saw the movie Home, which was so cute. On my sister's day, we shopped a bit and ate at Olive Garden.

Since the university here doesn't offer dance classes over the summer (encouraging students to attend dance intensive programs around the country), I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do dance-wise over the summer. This past semester, I've really missed doing contemporary/modern things. The two master classes at my university this spring were both contemporary, and I loved them. Watching my little sister's dance recital a couple weeks ago, which included a lot of contemporary jazz, made me think about this again and really want to do some of that. I started googling and found ONE adult contemporary jazz class in our city (crazy). My mom and I attended a free trial class this past Wednesday, and I loved it! The class is small and personal, enriching, and a great price. I am so looking forward to taking this class over the summer!

Reading: ugh. I started a book probably about two weeks ago now (right after I finished my last one), and I am not really liking it. At all. So it's really hard to read. Not sure if I want to finish it or give it up and move on. Such a tough choice. I'm over halfway done with my second read through the Book of Mormon, which is pretty exciting! I also have a goal of reading the whole Bible by the end of next summer. So far, that's going pretty well, too!

And the most exciting news - tomorrow, I'm going back to my high school/college town to see some of my friends graduate high school, and I'm having lunch with my Sister missionaries! I am so excited to see them again and hear their voices and give them hugs!!

It's exciting and busy down here in my life. Praying that you are doing well, too!

Reader Report: Kisses from Katie

Title
Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption

"What would cause an eighteen-year-old senior class president and homecoming queen from Nashville, Tennessee, to disobey and disappoint her parents by forgoing college, break her little brother’s heart, lose all but a handful of her friends (because they think she has gone off the deep end), and break up with the love of her life, all so she could move to Uganda, where she knew only one person and didn’t even speak the language?

A passion to follow Jesus.

Katie Davis left over Christmas break of her senior year for a short mission trip to Uganda and her life was turned completely inside out. She found herself so moved by the people of Uganda and the needs she saw that she knew her calling was to return and care for them. Katie, a charismatic and articulate young woman, is in the process of adopting thirteen children in Uganda and has established a ministry, Amazima, that feeds and sends hundreds more to school while teaching them the Word of Jesus Christ."

"I have absolutely no desire to write a book about myself. This is a book about a Christ who is alive today and not only knows but cares about every hair on my head. Yours too. I'm writing this book on the chance that a glimpse into the life of my family and me, full of my stupidity and God's grace, will remind you of this living, loving Christ and what it means to serve Him. I'm writing with the hope that as you cry and laugh with my family you will be encouraged that God still uses flawed human beings to change the world. And if He can use me, He can use you."
-Katie Davis

Author

Katie Davis

Publishing Info

Howard Books, A Division of Simon and Shuester, 2011, Updated and Expanded Version

Katie Davis moved to Uganda straight from high school to take a gap year before college. When she prepared to go back to the States from college, she left behind eight daughters. After a semester, she realized God was calling her to Uganda for the long haul, adopting six more daughter over the next two years. Katie truly accepted Christ's call to care for the poor and needy, for the widows and orphans. 

As one can imagine, Katie said moving across the ocean without friends or family was difficult. This was great for me to read, as God has recently called me to a new place, absent of friends. Katie was confident that this was what God was calling her to do, as I am confident that this is where God is calling me to be. Katie is gaining her strength not from her own ability to be in a new, scary place, but from Christ. I need to remember to take my strength from the reservoir of Christ's love. 

The other idea that stood out to me is that, not everything God brings into our lives is for our good. Katie experienced a lot of things in the poverty of Uganda and the system of adopted children that made her wonder, "How in the world is this for my good? for my loved ones to die, for my child to be taken back to her birthmother?" She learned that sometimes God uses us and asks us to deal with hard things for the good of others. And because she loved Christ and loved others, Katie did, for the the glory and the kingdom of God. 

When God moved my missionary and brought a new one to my city, I struggled to understand how taking one of my favorite people could be for my good. The Lord taught me that the world doesn't revolve around me. When He does things, it's not just for me and my good. It's for the good of the people Sister A is teaching in her new area, it's for the other people in my city that needed Sister D2, it's because Sister A and Sister D2 needed things, because I had something to teach Sister D2. While Sister D2 and I were in the same city (only 6 weeks), she taught me about charity, and she helped me learn that not everything is about me. So this move was for my good, for Sister A's good, for Sister D2's good, for Sister M's good, for the good of the members in Sister A's new ward, for the good of the people in my city, and most importantly, for His glory and the good of His kingdom. 

Favorite Quotes from Kisses from Katie:

"My candle is lit; I am on fire for God, for this place, for these people. My purpose here is to spread His light. One candle can light up an entire room. Jesus can light up this entire nation, and my flame can be a part of that. I am blown away that my God, who could do this all by Himself, would choose to let me be a little part of it."

"Everywhere I have looked, raw, filthy human need and brokenness have been on display, begging for someone to meet them, fix them. And even though I realize I cannot always mend or meet, I can enter in. I can enter into someone's pain and sit with them and know. This is Jesus. Not that He apologizes for the hard and the hurt, but that He enters in, He comes to us in the hard places. And so, I continue to enter."

"I sensed that God was calling me into my own kind of 'Canaan," a land I had never been before, a place full of His promises and barren of all things comfortable and familiar. I had to let go of my life at the children's home and let God fulfill the promise, His perfect will. I chose to believe that, like Sarah, my adventure would lead to laughter and joy."

"I believed, and still believe, that the God who created the universe did not create too many children in His image and not enough love to go around."

"I have learned along my journey that if I really want to follow Jesus, I will go into the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. We must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it. After all, the murder had to take place before the resurrection. I'll be honest: The hard places can seem unbearable. It's dark and it's scary, and even though I know God said He will never leave or forsake me, sometimes it's so dark that I just can't see Him. But then the most incredible thing happens: God takes me by the hand and walks me straight out of the hard place and into the beauty on the other side. He whispers to me to be thankful, and that even this will be for His good."

My Move Home

"Where the Lord plants us, there we are to stand; when He requires us to exert ourselves for the support of these holy principles, that we are to do; that is all we need to trouble ourselves about; the rest our Heavenly Father will take care of."

Lorenzo Snow

Wow. It has been ages since I posted. Life has gotten me good. Over the past two weeks, I have been super busy with school finishing up my semester, packing up my dorm, saying goodbyes, and actually moving home, then working on cleaning and redecorating my bedroom. My days have been packed to say the least. 

Again in this post I'll talk about how grateful I am for priesthood blessings. I asked if the elders (boy missionaries) could come over and give me a blessing before I left for home, just for extra strength during this transition. This week we got a new elder in my college town, and he was the one who gave my blessing. And I was reminded how great the priesthood is, and that these blessing really do come from Heavenly Father, because it didn't matter at all that I'd just met this person. The blessing was perfect. 

Good news! Sister D2, who is currently serving in my college town ward, started her mission in my family's city. Which means she knows everyone in my new ward, because it's her old ward. She's told people to be on the lookout and take care of me. I was able to attend church in my home city last weekend and this weekend, when I met three or four couples who all know who I am from D2's emails. I am feeling okay about it. Not great, because it's not home yet, but okay. This ward is also a LOT bigger than what I came from, so that will take some adjusting. Overall, I think the switch will be okay. 

I am so grateful for email, so the Sisters in my college ward can keep me posted on the investigators up there (two ladies just set dates for baptism, and I am so excited for both of them!). 

I also still love being able to talk to Sister A and hear about her investigators and companions. I really love that Sister A still helps me, whether she realizes it or not. This week, she really helped me feel more confident about my transition and my family. I'm the only member of the Church in my family. I love the gospel very much, and I want to share this experience with these people because I love them and I know they'd love it, too. But it's been hard. At college, we had family home evening with all the college kids whose families were far away. My little sister at home knew that we always had "Monday dinners at TK's." When I announced that I was moving home, she asked "What about Monday dinner's at TK's?" My dad answered, "We can have Monday dinner here" - great! I was hoping to hold FHE here, and it was looking like it was going to work out! I told Sister A, and she said "FHE THAT IS SO EXCITING. They're going to make it one day. I know it. One day. Just keep watching and waiting." I also told about my uneasiness about my new ward, to which she replied, "I know that you will find your place in your new ward. It will take time and trust and patience and hope and all those wonderful things that Christ taught us how to be, but you will find your place." She's the best.

Now, I'm starting to believe for myself that things will work out here. The ward has been okay, my family has been okay, and every day the Spirit reminds me that I'm supposed to be here with my family. I know that families are important to Heavenly Father. It brings me joy to know that I am doing what He wants me to do here.

Sometimes, Heavenly Father asks us to do hard things. But I know that when He does, He will be with us every step of the way, leading us on to victory.

God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—

This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

"The Family is of God," Matthew Neeley

Finally a Member

I am officially a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And oh, what a joy it is to say that. I decided to be baptized in September of 2014, about seven months ago. For various reasons, I had to wait to be baptized.

I fasted to know when I should be baptized about two weeks ago, and received this inspired date. Even though it wasn't a long preparation time, I faced a lot of difficulties. Some very very important people to me, I learned, did not support my decision and would not be able to attend. My missionary, Sister A, got transferred out of my area. I received attacks from the adversary, thoughts of despair about not getting baptized on December 17 (a previous date I'd set for baptism, after a very intense spiritual experience). I was very upset that Sister O and Sister A, my most influential companionship, would not be in attendance. I felt like Heavenly Father was punishing me for not listening when He told me December 17. Sister A and Sister O both assured me that that's not how Heavenly Father works. I realized that these negative feelings were being sent by the adversary to drag me "down to the gulf of misery and endless wo" (Helaman 5:12). But I knew how long I'd waited for this, and I knew that Heavenly Father was telling me that this is what I needed to do, despite these worldly distractions. He steadied me. He is a foundation "whereon if men are built they cannot fall" (Helaman 5:12). 

After a lot of patience and diligence, we made it to March 28. It was surreal. I arrived at the church, and Sister D2 (our new missionary) braided my hair. Sister O facetimed me so we could talk and she could watch my baptism (she's been around since I first decided to be baptized last September, she knows the whole road). I got dressed and anxiously awaited the program. When friends, members of my heavenly family, began arriving we got straight to taking pictures with everyone. Sister A got permission to Skype in so she could "be" at my baptism, too. That was such a joy, to see her face and hear her voice after what felt like such a long time (two weeks kind of is a long time considering I very rarely go more than two days without seeing the missionaries). I was so happy that she got to share this special time with me. 

Our opening hymn was "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," my favorite hymn, and one that I grew up singing in my Methodist church. It was like going home, and that song is a prayer I have often. As soon as we started singing, I just cried. I felt so incredibly blessed and so loved. My baptism wasn't announced in church meetings, so everyone there was personally invited. This room was filled with people who knew my journey and knew how long this road had been. It was so special to have these people supporting me and rejoicing with me for this gift of baptism that allows us to return to our Heavenly Father. 

The first talk was given by a dear friend in my ward, who is also a convert and received negative feedback from others when she decided to be baptized. She has such a sweet spirit and I always feel so loved when I spend time with her. I'm so grateful that this friend spoke at my baptism. 

Next we moved on to the actual ordinance. That was incredible. There aren't words to describe that experience. I was baptized by the husband of the couple who first taught me about the gospel. He's really been with me from the beginning (he also gave me my first priesthood blessing, when I was fasting about baptism last fall). That was such a special experience. 

The second talk was given by another dear friend, who I met in Institute the first week of last semester. I am so grateful for her. Following her, I stood and told my story and gave my testimony, per request of the bishop. 

I thought I was done crying, and I was excited to sing our closing hymn, "How Firm a Foundation." Unfortunately, I cried again, more happy tears. 

After the closing prayer, I took the iPad and iPhone with Sister A and Sister O on Skype/facetime. It was so sweet to be able to talk to my missionaries as I finally experienced this. I had been sad about not having them, but I was grateful to talk to them and feel loved by all four of my sister missionaries. Before I hung up with Sister O, she said "March 28 was your date." And I knew that was true. The concerns that I'd had about missing my date faded away, because I knew that March 28 was the right date.

I know that baptism into the Lord's Church is the way we can return to Him. I know that baptism is not a destination, but the beginning of a beautiful journey. I am so grateful for the time I had to wait for this, because it has taught me so many lessons. I am grateful for the missionaries who taught me and loved me enough to wait with me, and for the rest of my ward who supported me as I learned. I'm grateful for baptism itself, that is a vital step in my mortal journey, one step on the path of returning to my heavenly family. 

Officially Official

They were desirous to be baptized as a witness and a testimony that they were willing to serve God with all their hearts; nevertheless, they did prolong the time."

Mosiah 21:35

The first time I ever attended a worship service at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was a stake conference in February 2014. I was with a friend of mine. Early on, she leaned over and whispered, "Write down your questions and we can answer them after church." We went back to her house for lunch after. When she asked if I had any questions, I pulled out my notebook and exploded in questions. They answered my questions and told me about the Plan of Salvation, also known as the Plan of Happiness. I fell in love. My soul was overwhelmed by this. I knew that this plan, this is what I had been searching for. This is what my soul longed for. This knowledge would bring me happiness. After hours of questions and answers, they asked if I was interested in learning more or reading the Book of Mormon. I said yes absolutely! She offered me a Book of Mormon, and I was on my way. I read it all the time over the next week, recording my questions in my little notebook. The next Sunday, I went to church again, this time a regular service, and wrote down more questions. After church, we went back so they could answer my questions. As we were talking, I felt increasing desire to commit. Finally, I mustered up the courage to ask, "So, how do I do this?" I was ready to join this Church and commit myself to living its principles, even though I didn't know everything. I knew what I needed to know.

I now realize that I was feeling the Holy Ghost so incredibly strong those two Sundays. Now, just thinking about that time again, my soul burns fervently with the knowledge that this Plan is real. That day, I decided to be baptized. 

Unfortunately, my family and other complications prevented me from being baptized immediately. I also wasn't allowed to attend church on Sundays anymore. Soon enough, the adversary pulled me away completely. I decided that God did not exist. And I was done. 

Sister O invited me to "come unto Christ" (Moroni 10:32) after I had denied religion for several months, and again, I decided to be baptized. Again I faced pushback from my family. I knew that Heavenly Father wanted me to be baptized, but I also knew that He did not want me to tear my family apart in doing so. It was very hard for many months, but I used my resources - missionaries, teachers, and fellow YSAs - and did my best to follow the advice of the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi: "Wherefore, ye must press forward with asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life" (2 Nephi 31:20).

I waited. I pressed forward. I prayed for patience. I "did prolong the time." I hoped and prayed for the day when I would become a member of Christ's Church. I waited, and waited, and waited.

And finally, I'm done waiting. I will be baptized next Saturday, on March 28. It's officially official. And I could not be more excited to take this vital step. 

"8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—

10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the nameof the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

11 And now when the people had heard these words, they clapped their hands for joy, and exclaimed: This is the desire of our hearts.

12 And now it came to pass that Alma took Helam, he being one of the first, and went and stood forth in the water, and cried, saying: O Lord, pour out thy Spirit upon thy servant, that he may do this work with holiness of heart.

13 And when he had said these words, the Spirit of the Lord was upon him, and he said: Helam, I baptize thee, having authority from the Almighty God, as a testimony that ye have entered into a covenant to serve him until you are dead as to the mortal body; and may the Spirit of the Lord be poured out upon you; and may he grant unto you eternal life, through the redemption of Christ, whom he has prepared from the foundation of the world."

Mosiah 18:8-13

On Missionaries and Priesthood Blessings

Three missionaries have been absolutely instrumental in my conversion, and in my life.

The first is Sister O. I met her last fall, when I returned to college. She shared Alma 32:27 with me. She asked me if I had a desire to believe, and asked me to let that desire work in me. She asked me to listen to the Spirit. And because of her, I know that God lives and loves us. I know a lot of things because of her, but that's the most important thing.

The second is Sister A. She arrived last fall, after I'd been at school for a little while already. My city was her first area, and she stayed here the longest of any missionary I've interacted with. And she taught me a million things. I had/have such an indescribable connection with this missionary. I don't know why. I remember the first time Sister A went on exchanges (that's when two missionaries in cities near each other switch places for a day or two), she was gone for two days. And I had a lesson with Sister O and the visiting sister both days. The second day, I was really upset and frustrated that Sister A wasn't back. I thought transfers were only supposed to be one day? So when Sister A was at church that Sunday, I was ecstatic. I told her that I was so happy she was back, and that I missed her so much. I said that I loved Sister O and I was sad when she went away, but it was just different for some reason with Sister A. She was my missionary. I knew she was something special.

The third is Sister M, who thank goodness is still serving in my city! She is still teaching me many things, about anxiety and trusting God and being a missionary.

My city was the last place Sister O served; she finished her mission in my city. So when she went home, we got to be facebook friends and see each other's instagram pictures and text whenever.

My city was the first place Sister A served, meaning when she left she was still a missionary without facebook or instagram or texting (thankfully we can email!). She just got transferred to her second area. My missionary, who taught me a million things and stayed long enough to hear me open up about my eating disorder and depression and anxiety, who taught me that faithful members still have doubts. My missionary. I don't know how else to describe her and our relationship.

Transfer calls were made Monday (the mission leaders called the leader of our smaller area to tell us who was staying here and who was moving to a different city). I happened to be hanging out with the Elders (boy missionaries) and other college kids when the call came in. And Elder S told me that Sister A was moving. I left this party early and went to the Sisters' porch to chat, because I couldn't believe it. Sister A said, "It hit me like a ton of bricks." I tried not to, but I cried. Especially because I'd been having a really rough time the past couple of weeks, with my depression, my family, and my faith. I needed this girl who knew me inside out and knew what I needed and knew what to tell me. I needed her. I needed her as I climbed out of my illness, and as I approached baptism. I had trials and I needed her support!

Sister A told me she'd been praying that the mission leaders would be truly inspired in their decision, that they would not move her just because it had been a while. I told her that I had been praying for the right missionaries in the right places. I started off praying for her to stay in my city, but then I realized that Heavenly Father knew a lot more than I did - who I needed, what I needed to learn, and who else Sister A needed to teach, who else needed Sister A. I tried really hard to find peace through that. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers, and that "all things work together for the good of those that love God" (Romans 8:28). I know that Heavenly Father knows more than I do, and I tried really hard to accept this as His will.

And it was hard at first. Sometimes we think we know what's best. Usually, we don't. But that's okay, because He does. And as we seek to follow Him, things work out how they're supposed to. And we learn magnificent lessons.

The day after we learned that Sister A was leaving, her last day in my city, was very, very hard for me. That morning, I asked the missionaries for a priesthood blessing. I had faith that a blessing given with the priesthood would make me feel better. As the day went on, things got worse. And worse. And worse (and worse). I walked campus on the verge of tears, until I finally stopped feeling. I went numb. I wasn't sad anymore. I wasn't anything. I didn't want to dance anymore (a major sign for me that I'm falling into a deep depression). I was absolutely apathetic. I had disappeared.

The sisters came over that evening as planned for our last lesson, the three of us. I asked them a couple questions, as I always do in lessons. I didn't want to talk about how I was feeling, because I wasn't feeling anything. I didn't even really wanted to talk about anything. I wanted to cease existing, because I didn't feel alive anyway. So I asked Sister A how she was feeling. And we talked about that, and made other small talk for a few minutes. I don't remember what happened, but I opened up. And I talked about how I felt numb and I didn't want to do anything and I was feeling quite discouraged. And they just listened. Which was great, because I don't really think they could have said anything to help me.

The Elders arrived to give me a blessing. I didn't even care about it anymore. I didn't really want it. I didn't think it would help. I had fallen into a pit of despair and didn't see a way out. With previous blessings, I'd been thinking that I wished I could listen to it again; there were things that I could vaguely remember, but I wanted to remember them fully. So I recorded this blessing. Which was really good, because I didn't hear a thing Elder S said when he gave the blessing.

The missionaries left, and I met a friend at Orange Leaf. We chatted for about an hour, and then the sisters met us, so Sister A and I could say our final goodbyes. I cried. I told Sister M, "I know this blessing is working, because I feel sad again!" We all took pictures. Sister A and I hugged a lot. She told me over and over, "This isn't goodbye. This is, see you later." We talked and hugged and cried and reminded each other to have faith that this was Heavenly Father's will. Because we both knew it was, we just had to remember.

The next day, I woke up crying again. I read my scriptures. Because reading the scriptures is never a bad decision. As I walked to class, I listened to my blessing. And it started to give me hope. During my first class, I started feeling better. And during my second class, I was feeling even better. When I went to my room and did my homework, I felt better still. I listened to my blessing and typed it up so I could read it. I studied what was said, so I could learn what Heavenly Father was telling me. I don't totally understand everything, but that's okay, because I feel blessed and comforted, and I have faith that Heavenly Father will reveal what I need to know when I need to know it.

I went to Walmart with a friend that afternoon. I texted Sister M and asked about our new sister. I was incredibly worried. I was worried that I wouldn't have someone good enough to take the place of my Sister A (though I worried the same thing when Sister O left). Sister M texted me, telling me the new sister's name. When I read her message, I felt overwhelming peace. I knew that this Sister D2 was sent by Heavenly Father specifically for us, in this city, for this time. She has something very important for us in the next six weeks.

I know that Heavenly Father hears our prayers. I know that He knows what is best for our lives. I know that missionaries are sent to specific locations because they are the exact person needed by the people of that city. I know that the priesthood is the power and authority given to man to act in God's name, not only for the salvation of His children, but also to help us and bless us in His Church. I know that when He give something to us, it's something we need. I know that He will not test us beyond what we are capable of overcoming with His help. As we call on Him and rely on the Atonement of His perfect Son, we will overcome.

"Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail but to succeed gloriously."

-Richard G. Scott, "Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer"

Our Heavenly Father Lives and Loves Us

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage."

-We Bought a Zoo

I began investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints just over a year ago now. I knew immediately what I had been taught was true. Unfortunately, after a few weeks, the adversary got a hold of me and I turned away. I went home from college for the summer and had nothing to do with the Church, or any religion at all.

When I was packing to move back to college in the fall, I had a feeling that I should bring my Bible and my Book of Mormon and my Gospel Principles book (a study book that outlines basic doctrines of the Church). So I did. What could it hurt? Maybe I'd go back. Life was pretty bad.

 Soon after I had returned to campus, my life changed. A friend from the previous year told me about Institute, and offered to go with me the first week (even though she'd graduated the previous semester). I said okay, whatever. The sister missionaries texted me, and asked if I wanted to meet with them (I later learned that this bubbly new girl insisted they contact me after months of no communication. Boy was she inspired!). I met them on a Wednesday. Sister O, my angel, my life-changer, my incredible girl, asked me if I believed that God was my Father in heaven. I said no. I didn't believe that a god existed. Not at all. But they kept talking about God and prophets and the Restoration (click here to learn about all of that) because I said I'd meet with them. We finished, and they asked me if I was going to Institute right after, and I said yes. They said they were going, too.

At Institute, we were asked to take an assessment that would show Church headquarters what we knew before taking the class. The first part was doctrinal questions, testing our knowledge. The second part was faith-based questions - "Do you believe that God is our Heavenly Father?" "Do you believe that Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten of the Father, came to earth and atoned for our sins?" Things like that. I answered no for every single questions. Because I didn't believe in any of that.

I continued meeting with the missionaries and attending Institute. I remember sitting in a study room of the library one day, hopeless, the missionaries across the table from me. They asked if I'd prayed about what they'd been teaching me. I remember saying that I felt like I was stopping myself from believing. I wanted to believe, but it was too hard. And then my angel shared a scripture with me. Alma 32:27 :

"But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."

And Sister O said, "Do you have a desire to believe?" And tears started falling down my cheeks and I said yes. She challenged me to do as this scripture suggests - "awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words." She challenged me to try it out. Pretend like God was real, to see if He is.

I remembered learning about the Word of Wisdom, the Lord's law of health. In this law, He asks us to refrain from certain substances, and partake of others. One thing we are commanded to abstain from is coffee. So I decided I'd stop drinking coffee, just in case. And I'd try to pray. I began reading the Book of Mormon daily. I wanted to know.

Within a week I decided that I wanted to be baptized. Just as quickly as I had known before, I knew again. I knew that God lives and loves us.

I know that God lives and loves us. I know that He has a magnificent plan for our lives, currently and eternally. I know that all of our experiences are used to make us stronger and better and more like Him. I know that He wants us to know Him, He wants us to go to Him and ask Him for help. I know that Heavenly Father reveals Himself through prophets, and that His words are recorded in the holy scriptures. 

And this knowledge is so, so sweet.