Leah & Rachel and the Principle of Compensation

For almost a year now, I've had the goal of working my way through the Bible. It's been always slow and not so steady.

Just a few days ago, I was reading in Genesis. I read about Jacob and his marriage. Jacob really wanted to marry Rachel, but Rachel's father gave Jacob the older sister on the wedding day, as it was not proper for the younger sister to be married first (Genesis 29:26). Jacob wasn't very happy, but he eventually was able to marry Rachel as well. And [Jacob] loved also Rachel more than Leah" (Genesis 29:30).

"And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren" (Genesis 29:31).

"And Leah conceived, and bare a son . . . for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction . . . And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also . . . And she conceived again, and bare a son . . . And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the Lord" (Genesis 29:32-35, emphasis added).

Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son.  

Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son.

"Understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude" (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May and Love It," October 2008).

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss."

"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (Preach My Gospel). 

Leah was faithful. Leah loved the Lord. Leah was in a marriage where her husband didn't love her - actually, the scripture says he hated her. Rough, huh? So, "The Lord saw that Leah was hated, He opened her womb." God blessed Leah with sons.

But! The Lord also caused Rachel to be barren. God made Rachel barren so Leah could feel something special that Rachel didn't have. Rachel had the love of her husband, Leah was able to bear children. Leah got something special. If Rachel had also borne sons, Leah's sons wouldn't be a special blessing. 

So let's look at Rachel now. While Leah was experiencing her blessings of compensation, Rachel is still here with no sons (bad news in that society). Rachel must have been pretty bummed - maybe angry. "When Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister" (Genesis 30:1). Maybe Rachel wondered why she couldn't have any sons, when her sister was bearing many sons. When we read this story in the scriptures, it's short to us - seconds or a minute to read. But Leah had four sons. If her sons were born back-to-back, that's still a matter of five to six years that Rachel is watching and wondering why she can't have any children. That must have been hard.

But as I already said, this was Leah's compensation for being faithful - Leah's husband hated her, so God gave unto Leah to bear sons.

During these years when Leah was bearing sons and Rachel wasn't, Rachel may have wondered what she had done wrong, why this curse had some upon her (reminder: a prevailing belief at the time was that all affliction was the result of sin or God's disfavor). Rachel may have wracked her brain trying to figure it out. She probably poured her little heart out to Heavenly Father asking why she could not give sons to the husband she loved. 

Rachel's barrenness was in no way a result of anything she did. Rachel suffered this loss, as God blessed Leah, as Leah experienced the Principle of Compensation.

However, this isn't the end. "God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb. And she conceived, and bare a son" (Genesis 30:22-23). After Leah had been compensated - after she got a special blessing that her sister did not have - God remembered Rachel and opened her womb. Rachel bore sons.

Rachel, too, was blessed by this principle of compensation. The son Rachel FINALLY bore? She named him Joseph. 

Joseph, who would be hated by his brothers but loved by his father. Joseph, who would be sold into slavery by his brothers. Joseph, who would become ruler of Potiphar's house, and be an example of righteousness when he fled from the temptations of Potiphar's wife. Joseph, who would interpret dreams and warn Egypt of a famine. THAT Joseph.

Because of the Atonement and the merciful Principle of Compensation - we will be repaid for all unjust harm that comes our way. Just like Leah. Just like Rachel.

(Source)

Leah suffered, so God blessed her.

Rachel suffered, so God blessed her.

I suffer, so God will bless me. 

You suffer, so God will bless you.

Reader Report: Carry on, Warrior

Title:
Carry on, Warrior

Author:
Glennon Doyle Melton

Publishing Info:
Scribner, 2013

I fell in love with Glennon a few years ago, when I saw her TED talk. So raw, so real, so exactly where I was in my life. And so hopeful. I began following her blog, and, when the book came out, of course I read it right away.

That was a few years back, before I had this blog. Since I just reread the book, love it so much, wanted to tell you guys about it, and haven't been writing often, I decided to write a post about it!

After the scriptures, this book is my favorite book. It's written as a collection of essays, which is really my favorite way to read. Glennon tells us about the "God-shaped hole" in all of us; how she tried to fill it with things that left her feeling emptier; how she gave that all up when she held a pregnancy test in her hand as a young, unwed mother suffering from bulimia, alcoholism, and substance abuse; and how the grace of God pulls her through every day - with many humorous anecdotes sprinkled in there, because Glennon's hilarious. 

Glennon is SO relatable. The reason she gives is this: She believes we all have a piece of God inside us. When she talks about her deep insides, and not just the shells we cover ourselves with, she's talking out of her "God-piece," so to speak. And since all of us are made up of the same amount of God, when she speaks from that part of her, that part of us hears it because it's the same stuff - it's the same divine nature in her and in me and in you. When we tell our truth, we connect. 

I don't know how Glennon came to faith (she doesn't really tell us about that), but I love how she looks at her faith now. She loves God just about more than anyone I know. She loves God fiercely, and since each one of us is made up of the same amount of God, she thinks that means she should love everyone fiercely, so she tries very hard to do that. Glennon believes in love, forgiveness, redemption - because she's sat at God's feet and received all that, and now she tries to give it all away to others. She knows that we're all lost and sad here. She says, "Life isn't hard because you are doing it wrong. Life is just hard."

Glennon used to think that something was wrong with her and that she had to hide. Now, Glennon knows that God made her and loves her, so she can stand on the rooftops and sing, because it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - God already loves her big big. She knows that she did not come to this earth to find her worth but that she brought it with her. She knows about her divine nature. 

Glennon knows that she's not perfect. She knows that everyone else is not perfect either. So she forgives - forgives herself, forgives others, forgives a lot. Again, she knows that she's loved either way.

And my favorite - Glennon says life is "brutiful" - a combination of beautiful and brutal. Because it's true. It is. Life is brutal, but life is also beautiful. Both/And. Kind of reminds me of Nephi: "It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one" (2 Nephi 2:11).

If you want to laugh, if you want to cry, if you want to know that God loves you, if you want to find hope, if you want to sit down with a girlfriend and say "You know, life's really stinkin' hard," if you want to see the sun shining through another daughter - go to the library and check out Glennon's book. You won't regret it. 

Reader Report: Boy Meets Girl

Title:
Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship

"I wrote Boy Meets Girl the year after I was married. It was a great chance to answer many of the questions that were raised by my first book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I know the last thing most singles want is more rules and, in Boy Meets Girl, I wanted to offer an alternative: an intentional, God-pleasing game plan for finding a future spouse. In the book, I discuss how biblical courtship (a healthy, joyous alternative to recreational dating) worked for me and my wife Shannon, to give an encouraging and practical example for readers wanting to pursue the possibility of marriage with someone they're serious about. This updated version includes a new foreword, a new chapter, an all-new '8 Great Courtship Conversations' section, and some updated material throughout."

Author:
Joshua Harris

Joshua Harris is the author of six books, the most recent being Humble Orthodoxy: Holding the Truth High Without Putting People Down. Living what he calls a "backwards life" Josh became a best-selling author at age 21, the lead pastor of a mega-church at age 30 and only now, at age 40, is attending Regent College, a graduate school of theology, in Vancouver, BC. His passion is making biblical truth accessible to everyday people and helping others discover the security, identity and freedom of being rooted in God's love in Christ.  Josh and his wife Shannon have three children.

Publishing Info:
Multnomah Books, 2000

~ ~ ~

"Falling in love was God's idea. He was the one who made us capable of experiencing romantic feelings. He was the one who gave us the ability to appreciate beauty and experience attraction. And He was the one who invented marriage so the blazing fire of romantic love could become something even more beautiful--apulsing, red-hot ember of covenant love in marriage."

-Josh Harris, p 35

This book is in essence, a sequel to I Kissed Dating Goodbye. In that book, Josh urged readers to skip dating until they were ready for marriage. In Boy Meets Girl, Josh helps readers figure out how to move forward appropriately when one is ready for marriage. 

Josh begins by telling his story of how he met his wife, Shannon, and how he trusted God through the early stages of their relationship, and talking about why we need purposeful romance and more than just intense feelings and how God guides us in His timing. 

Josh stresses the importance of wisdom paired with romance. He compares romance to a kite, with wisdom being the string: "I suppose there are times when a kite feels tied down by the string. 'If this bothersome string would just let go of me, I could really fly high,' the kite might think. But that isn't true, is it? Without the string holding it in the face of the wind, the kite would quickly come crashing to the ground. In the same way, romance without wisdom will soon take a nosedive. . . . It's not enough to simply have romantic feelings. . . . Long-lasting romance needs practical, commonplace wisdom that knows when to let the wind of feelings carry us higher and when to pull back. When to express our emotions and when to keep quiet. When to open our hearts and when to rein them in" (p 41).

"Romance says, ' This is what I want and it's good for me.' Wisdom leads us to consider what's best for the other person. . . . We glorify God in our relationships when we put our needs aside and base our decisions on what serves the interests of the other person" (p 44-45). Here are some questions we can ask ourselves to decide if we're guided by selfish or selfless desires (paraphrased, p 45). Is starting this relationship now what's best for him? Will I be a distraction for something God is calling him to do immediately? Will expressing all my feelings serve him, or distract and confuse him? Are my actions encouraging him to love God and seek His will more? Am I communicating clearly and in a way that benefits him? Does the way I dress encourage (key word - encourage) him to have a pure thought life? Will kissing now be what's best for us in the long run? Am I treating this person the way Christ would? "A selfless desire to do what's best for the other person can guide us in the big and small decisions of a relationship. It's not tedious. It's an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship" (p 45).

Next, Josh moves on to talking about courtship - how to grow in friendship, guard each others hearts, tips on communication, embracing our gender differences in order to complement each other, reasons to get support from your community, and a great chapter on sexual purity during courtship. 

It can be hard to know how to act towards your boyfriend or girlfriend in the beginning of a courtship. You're "more than friends, less than lovers." You're getting to know each other more, but you're refraining from the traditional dating game. You have feelings for each other, but you don't want to awaken love prematurely (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). Josh says: "Growing in friendship involves learning through conversation who you are as individuals. It's having fun together and spending quality and quantity time together. . . . Don't stress yourself out trying to orchestrate incredibly entertaining or romantic dates. Relax and enjoy each other's company. Look for activities and setting that allow you to spend time together and talk freely. . . . Look for ways to share the different parts of your life - the fun, the mundane, and the in-between. . . . How can you let each other see the 'real you'? Whatever it is you love, whatever it is that captures your imagination, invite the other person into it - and ask the other person to take you into his or her world, too" (p 79). 

It's important to have Christian fellowship with your boyfriend/girlfriend. In marriage, we are serving God together and helping each other move closer to God. In courtship, we should be starting that. Share your testimony with your partner and in groups, talk about your faith with your partner, pray for each other and with each other, talk about what God is teaching you right now, read Christian books together, talk about what you learned at church and how you're going to apply what you learned, read scriptures together (Josh and his wife read the book of Acts together during their courtship and emailed about what they'd learned). For Mormons, other activities can include sharing your favorite talks from General Authorities, attending family home evening together (in each other's homes or in a YSA group), attending Institute together, watching Youth Devotionals and General Conference together, attending missionary events and sharing the gospel together. There are so many ways to share your faith with your partner and encourage each other to grow. 

It is true that God made men and women different. Many people in the world see this as women being 'less than.' This is not true. "God made women totally equal to men in personhood, dignity, and worth. They are no less important or valuable to God. Within the context of their equality, God assigned men and women different roles. . . Men and women were created equal, yet different. And the fact that we're different is wonderful" (p 107). Matthew Henry said "Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him." (Sister Linda K. Burton gave a great talk about the complementing nature or males and females at the April 2015 General Conference - read it here. Also see The Family: A Proclamation to the World.)

Josh reminds us of the importance of community - receiving counsel from parents, church leaders, mentors, and friends. It's vital to balance personal thoughts and revelations with counsel from your community. They are able to look at your relationship objectively, while you may be missing some things because of your emotions. "While it's true that no one else should decide whom we marry, how arrogant it is to think that we can make this important decision on our own! And while a couple needs time alone, how shortsighted and foolish it is to cut ourselves off from the wisdom and support of the people who know us best" (p 125-6). 

Josh devotes a whole chapter to outlining why we should save physical intimacy for marriage. It's a beautiful chapter that reminds us that God didn't give this commandment to torture us, but because having these relations with one person is a joy. And when you save them for your wedding night, it is a special gift that you give to each other as a married couple, a new experience that separates your courtship from your married life. But, "there's another reason the struggle on waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple's enjoyment of sex in marriage, He also wants a couple to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus Christ, they are laying a solid foundation for their marriage. They're learning to fight sin as a team. They're learning to care for each other, pray for each other, and challenge each other. In the most practical of ways, they are submitting to Jesus Christ as Lord of their relationship" (p 151). 

Finally, Josh devotes a chapter to addressing forgiveness for past sexual sins and how to deal with them in a relationship (though a lot of what he says applies to any sin, really). He ends with the final preparations before marriage, and tells us about his own wedding day. 

Included in this section is a list of questions to ask before you get engaged, which Josh adapted from an article, "Should We Get Married?' by David Powlinson and John Yenchko: Is your relationship centered on God and His glory? Are you growing in friendship, communication, fellowship, and romance? Are your parents and mentors supportive of your relationship? Is sexual involvement playing too big a part in your decision? Do you have a track record of solving problems in the way that scripture directs? Are you heading the same direction in life (can you cleave to each other)? Have you taken into account any cultural differences you have (hurdles that may have to be overcome because of familial, racial, historical, financial differences)? Do you want to marry this person? With all this intellectual and spiritual aspects to think about, it' s important to not overlook your heart. It should not be the deciding factor, but do you love this person and want to grow old with them? Have the courage to answer these questions about your relationship and decided what to do - whether is proposing or ending the relationship. 

Throughout the book, Josh tells us of his own courtship and engagement, and shares stories from other people he knows. These people come from many different circumstances - some lifelong Christians, some recently converted, some with Christian families, some being the only person in their family to value a God-honoring relationship, some save the first kiss for the altar, some choose to share this before marriage while still saving other things, some end in marriage, some end with the people realizing marriage should not happen. The variety of stories, I think, give a hope that these principles can work, wherever you are and in whatever circumstance. The point of this book is not to set rules, but to show people how to look to God in scripture and prayer to change your heart and define your own guidelines. 

One of the best parts of this book is the bonus at the end, the "Courtship Conversations." Each conversation includes a date idea, suggestions of things to discuss that go along with the activity, and questions to ask. Each date includes 15-20 questions (sometimes more), so you could actually use the conversation suggestions for many more dates or activities. I'll be buying the book just for those (not really, but almost).

Overall, I thought this was a great read. Josh made many great points about the attitude we should have during a relationship that's moving towards marriage. He discussed a lot how this time should be different from friendship, while also being different from marriage. There were many practical suggestions of ways to evaluate yourself and your relationship during this time, as well as to move forward. Like I said, I'm definitely buying this book. 

Reader Report: I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Title:
I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Approach to Romance and Relationships

Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.

Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them?

Ever wondered, Isn’t there a better way?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better—a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.

Author:
Joshua Harris

Joshua Harris lives outside Washington, D.C., in Gaithersburg, Maryland, where he's a pastor at Covenant Life Church. His greatest passion is preaching the gospel and calling his generation to wholehearted devotion to God. Each January he leads a national conference for singles called New Attitude.


Publishing Info:
Multnomah Books, 1997

~ ~ ~

"Some people who hear about my decision to not date till I'm ready for marriage assume that my heart must've been broken. No, my heart was made new by my Savior. The change in my attitude was the result of realizing the implications of belonging to Him. The Son of God died for me! He came to free me from the hopelessness of living for myself. That had to change everything--including my love life. Having a girlfriend was no longer my greatest need. Knowing and obeying Him was. I wanted to please Him in my relationships even if it meant looking radical and foolish to other people--even if it meant kissing dating goodbye" (p 18). 

When Josh Harris says "Kiss dating goodbye," he doesn't mean never date. Josh says this mostly meaning, "I'm not going to date until God tells me it's time."  Josh says, "The main focus of this book is on enjoying singleness and waiting on romance til you're ready for marriage (p 187).  It's about watching God in your relationships, and entering into a dating relationship or "courtship" as he calls it, when God gives you the heads up. Its moving from friendship to dating prayerfully. "You and I will never experience God's best--in singleness or in marriage--until we give God our all. We've held on to old attitudes, foolishly clutching a lifestyle that the world tells us will bring fulfillment. God asks us to hand it all over to him" (p 55). 

Josh outlines the pitfalls of modern dating, and offers new ideas about romance. We often see good Christians in solid dating relationships get involved in sexual sin, but we often blame it on a lack of self-control. While self-control is important, Josh points out that, as with David and Bathsheba, the sin isn't one step but a series of missteps. The bible tells us to "Flee from sin" (1 Corinthians 6:18); He knows that we won't always have enough self-control, so we shouldn't play games with evil. He tells us to run away. "Dating in and of itself isn't the cause of the problems we see in relationships. Sinful and selfish people are the cause of sinful and selfish relationships--it's our own wrong attitudes and values that make for defective dating. But while dating isn't necessarily wrong, we've got to keep in mind that the system of dating as we know it grew out of a culture that celebrates self-centeredness and immorality. Just as a bar that sells alcohol doesn't force anyone to drink and isn't the cause of drunkenness, a bar is an establishment created so that people can have a place to get drink. You wouldn't say that getting rid of bars would end alcoholism or that everyone who visits a bar has a drinking problem, but neither would you encourage a friend who was trying to quit drinking to hang out in bars" (p 36). Now replace the bar with dating. Dating doesn't make us sin, but the environment it creates often is the perfect place for sin to creep up on us. The "seven habits of defective dating, Josh states, are: Dating tends to skip the friendship stage, dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love, dating tends to isolate a couple from other vital relationships (family and friends), dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future (education, job, growing in godliness), dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness, dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating a person's character, and dating often becomes and end of itself (pp 38-46). We need something new. 

Josh stresses the importance of caring for and respecting others, as Christians. He reminds us that this applies to our dating relationships, too. We are to respect for the person we're dating and care for them. It's our responsibility to guard their purity, watch over their hearts, and love them as Christ loves them. Sometimes loving them as Christ loves them means not dating. "I've come to realize that while friendships with the opposite sex are great, I have no business asking for a girl's heart and exclusive affections if I'm not ready to consider marriage. until I can do that, I'd only be using that girl to meet my short-term needs, and not seeking to bless her for the long-term. Would I enjoy having a girlfriend right now? You bet! But I wouldn't truly be loving her and putting her interests first" (p 19). 

Many of us view "purity and impurity as separated by a fixed point. As long as [we don't] cross the line and go all the way, [we believe we are] still pure. True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise" (p 88). The scriptures tell us to have a "pure heart." Jesus Christ said that "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Purity is a lot more than not having sex. It's about more than our bodies. It's about keeping our eyes pure from lust, our hearts pure from idolizing a boyfriend/girlfriend. Purity is always moving toward righteousness. When someone is really striving for purity, there's no question of "how far can we go."

In this book, Josh introduced a motto, something he calls the "little relationship principle" - "The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment." Josh specified that this applies to physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. When we are intimate without commitment, we risk hurt. Intimacy is only safe when coupled with commitment. With the commitment of friendship, we reach a certain level of intimacy. As friendship depends, we share more of ourselves with our friends. As we are purposefully entering a relationship to consider marriage, we share more of our hearts with the other person. There is a greater commitment. Only when we commit our entire selves and lives to each other can we become "one flesh" can we experience the true joy of intimacy that God has created for us to enjoy. God gives us many great gifts, and they are almost always coupled with guidelines to protect the sacredness of the gift. One example is intimacy. God wants us to be intimate with other people - our family and our spouse. To these people, we give parts of ourselves. When we are intimate with strangers, we give parts of our self away, and someone who is not committed to our well-being now holds a part of us, but since there is not commitment, the intimacy is not safe. We can lose that part of ourselves.

Josh claims that as we see each other as brothers and sisters in Christ and understand our responsibilities to care for each other, it will totally change how we date - so much that it might require a new name. He uses the term "courting." Courting is basically dating with a purpose, or purposeful romance. In courting there's no playing with hearts. The boy and the girl respect each other and the other person's future spouse. The aim, he says, is to be the kind of friend that your boyfriend's wife can say to you "Thank you for guarding my husband's heart and respecting him." There would be no regrets. He says that courtship is a commitment, a commitment to protecting each other's purity and hearts.

"The various ways in which God brings men and women together, like the unique designs of snowflakes, are never quite the same. But just as a one-of-a-kind snowflake can only form at a specific temperature and precipitation, a God-honoring romance can only form when we follow godly patterns and principles" (p 187). The goal of courtship is to evaluate the other person's character and prayerfully determine if it is God's will for you to marry. With courtship, there's no recreational dating. Intimacy has purpose, and it is carefully guided by other Christian mentors and by prayer. Courting only happens when both parties are ready to enter the lifelong commitment of marriage - spiritually ready, emotionally ready, financially ready. Marriage is a big commitment. It requires serious contemplation. With courtship, the purpose is to consider marriage, and both parties are aware of this from the start. Again, courtship is a commitment to respect each other's hearts and purity.

Josh is careful to remind us that is courting is just a set of rules to us, it becomes just as harmful as modern recreational dating. In order for courting to be different, our hearts have to change. And, a person can alter their dating methods to look like what Josh calls courting, but still call it dating. "Courting" or "dating" is just a name.


Some other great ideas presented in this book:

• "True love isn't just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid"  (p 20). 
• Sometimes, we feel lonely. Whether it's because we're not dating, or we feel estranged from family or friends. whatever the case, loneliness hits us all at one time or another "A girl in her midtwenties who recently married told me that she saw lonliness as God's call to her heart. 'When I felt lonely, I would think, God is calling me back to Him,' she told me. During these times she learned to pour her heart out to God and talk with Him. Now she wouldn't trade those intimate moments with God for the world" (p 149). 
• Repeat: marriage is a big commitment. Marriage is one of the most important things to God. "Marriage is the first institution (Genesis 2:22-24). It was ordained before family, before civil government--even before the church" (p168). As Latter-Day Saints, we know marriage to be of utmost importance. We affirm that the family is central to God's plan for us on earth, and that family can only come about when a man and woman are married (preferably for time and all eternity). The dating principles Josh goes through in this book are important to all Christians, but our dating practices should be noted especially by Latter-Day Saints because we put a much higher value on marriage than many other denominations. God does not intend for us to take this covenant lightly. It is the highest covenant. It is what will bring us into the celestial kingdom, to live with Him forever. (Read about the LDS view of marriage here). 

This book presented many great ideas about the pitfalls of the way we date today, and some possible solutions. it was a great read, and I do think I will be applying some of the things he said to my own relationships. 

Reader Report: Aloha!

Title:

Aloha!

With the ringing Hawaiian greeting of "Aloha!" Chieko N. Okazaki welcomes us into a garden of goodness where the gospel has the zing of zest and ginger. . . . Sister Okazaki shares insights from the scriptures that are personal and practical. Christ is not just the way, the truth, and the life, she reminds us. He wants to be our way, our truth, and our life. The Christian way is not dramatic, flashy, or taxing. It is do-able, satisfying, and even fun.  

Author:

Chieko N. Okazaki

Chieko N. Okazaki describes herself as "a child of humble Japanese laborers on a plantation on the big island of Hawaii." Reared a Buddhist, she converted to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day-Saints at age fifteen, struggled to obtain an education, married Ed Okazaki (a Congregationalist who later joined the Church), bore two sons, and taught school in Hawaii, Utah, and Colorado before becoming an elementary school principal. Sister Okazaki became the first non-Caucasian to serve on any general board when she accepted a calling in 1961 to the YWMIA board. She was a member of the Primary general board when she was called as first counselor in the Relief Society general presidency in 1990. A woman of vision and a celebrator of women's achievements, Sister Okazaki sees Relief Society as a mighty sisterhood that can transform the lives of women. She believes passionately that strong individual women build strong partnerships in marriage, raise strong families, serve powerfully in the Church, and become "nursing mothers" to communities worldwide that need health, happiness, and holiness.

Publishing Info:

Deseret Book Company, 1995

~ ~ ~

Chieko N. Okazaki is, I think, my favorite general authority. I fell in love with her a few months ago when I read a blog series containing many excerpts from her books. Now that it's summer, I checked them out from my local library (and I can't wait to buy a copy for me to keep forever)! 

There were two main themes present throughout this book: have a personal relationship with the Savior and Heavenly Father (developed by sincere, ongoing prayer), and serve others (sharing the love that comes from that relationship). 

Here are some of my favorite quotes/points/ideas (there's a lot, because Chieko knows what's up).

• Build a stronger family by building a stronger you (p 2).
• "There's not just one right way to be a Mormon woman" (p 5). I feel like a lot of times we get caught up in trying to be this ideal Mormon woman, when really there is no ideal. There's no one right way. We are all different, with different talents and abilities, different interests, and Heavenly Father has a different plan for each of us. The beauty of this Church isn't the fact that we all do the same thing in the same way - it's that we're all different but we can come together to make something bigger than ourselves. 
• "It is possible, even in less than ideal circumstances, to have a Christ-centered home. The process of building a Christ-centered home can begin with a single faithful individual" (p 5). 
• "We do not need to wait for ideal circumstances before Jesus can enter our lives" (pp 8-9). 
• "His task was not only to give life to the dead . . . but to give increased life to the living with less than flourishing faith" (p 10). 
• Know the Savior's love in all circumstances (p 14). 
• "He has promised that He will be our never-failing companion. We can trust that promise" (p 35).
• "The way of Christ takes us straight to other people" (p 36). 
• "For me, great strength comes every week as I partake of the sacrament and remind myself that I bear the name of Christ, that I have taken it upon myself like something tangible. Sometimes, when I am lonely and tired, I take the name of the Savior upon me like a warm blanket. I wrap myself in it the way my two-year-old grandson wraps himself in his cherished 'blankey,' and I feel warmed and comforted. If I am feeling vulnerable, sometimes I take the name of Christ upon me like armor, feeling it solid and bright and impregnable, so that no opposition can puncture it and so that no wound can devastate me. Sometimes I take the name of Christ upon me like Joseph's coat of many colors, a beautiful garment in which to dance and rejoice and praise the Lord" (pp 49-50).
• "Pious rules and observances [exist] for one reason: to help the people of Israel learn to love the Lord. They [can] do all of those things and never love the Lord or do all of those things instead of loving the Lord. Sometimes we fill our lives with pious rules and observances too, or let other people do it for us. We forget the Lord. We forget to love Him. We forget to feel in our hearts His love for us. And that's when our lives get out of balance" (p 76). 
• "Jesus always did the right thing because He carried in His heart the divine image of His Father in Heaven. He could not say or do things that did not fit that image. That's what we need, a divine image so clear and powerful that we can recognize it and tell if our actions are matching it" (pp 82-3).
• "We have taken upon ourselves that name of Jesus and the way of the disciple. Our way will also lead to gardens of anguished prayer, to crosses, to tombs. At those times, we, like the apostles, must endure in faith and love. We must endure despite our pain, with our pain, in the depths of our pain, until the moment of the resurrection in us when we understand the greater purpose in the cross and the tomb. I testify to you that those moments of understanding and acceptance will come" (p 101). 
• "When we see a true Christian in action, we see Christ in action" (p 115). 
• "God isn't in the business of making us believe Him. Faith cannot exist if there is no freedom to doubt. And freedom means that terrible mistakes will be made. I don't believe that faith means God will remove all tragedies from our path or solve all of our problems for us. I believe it means that He will be with us, suffering with us and grieving with us and working with us as we deal with our own tragedies and work our way through those problems" (p 119). ("How can I increase my faith?" - Click here). 
• "The image of the path is a useful one, because it teaches us that there is a way by which we may come to our Savior. But in another way it is misleading. Paths lead from one point to another. The image suggests that we are over here and the Savior is over there and that we must follow the path to reach Him. It implies that there is a distance between us and the Lord and that we must traverse that difference to find ourselves with Him. Yet, in reality, He is already with us "(p 128). 
• "I don't have to rely on my own goodness to be good. . . . I don't have to rely on my own capacity for love to be loving. I can rely on the Savior's love the fill my heart so completely that it will brim over and spill irresistibly into love for the people around me. I don't have to rely on my own patience, my own generosity, my own forgiveness, or my own steadfastness to be patient, generous, forgiving, or steadfast in righteousness. If I am willing to make room in my heart for the Savior, if I invite Him into my life, and if I fix my thoughts and desires and hopes on Him, then in some miraculous way I can think the thoughts of Jesus, I can feel the feeling of Jesus, and I can do the works of Jesus" (p 131). 
• "I'm never afraid of what I'll hear [when I pray] because I know it will come in the tones of love" (p 134). 
• "The concept of choosing happiness is powerful and empowering, because it acknowledges that we are created to experience a fulness of joy, that joy is inextricably involved with our use of agency, and that other things besides happiness will come to us" (p 169). 
• "We need to have an ongoing conversation with God that shares our whole hearts with Him. That means we need to be honest about what we love and what we don't, where we succeed and where we fail, what were feeling and what we're thinking. One of the most human things about us is the strength and power of our feelings -- and some of those feelings are very negative. We feel grief so intensely that we think our hearts will break. We are consumed by a rage so fiery that our whole worlds seems angry. We feel discouraged. We feel depressed. We aren't always honest, always kind, always faithful. We aren't uniformly cheerful, compassionate, and courageous. And usually it's during those moments that we choose not to pray, because we think that God doesn't want to see that part of us, respond to such turbulent emotions, or accept us in our negative moments. . . . The scriptures teach a far different message" (p 172). 
• "The promise of Joseph Smith to the Nauvoo Relief Society . . . was this: 'Angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.' Has this promise come true for you? Both Joseph Smith and Alma promised the ministration of angels to women. Yet such is the respect of our Heavenly Father for our agency that He will very rarely I've us something for which we have not asked. What would happen, do you think, if we prayed for revelation, for knowledge, for the comfort of the ministration of angels?" (p 177).
• "God's patience with us means that we have all the time we need, as long as we're trying. We can start over as many times as we need. Life isn't a race. God isn't waiting at some mythical finishing line, tapping His foot, glancing at His stopwatch, and muttering, 'Hey, get a move on, will you?' . . . In fact, He's far from waiting at the finish line, He's there, right beside us, encouraging us and sometimes even lifting us over the rough spots" (pp 204-05). 

This was a great read. I thoroughly enjoyed it (as you can tell). I recommend it to anyone who is doubting their Heavenly Father's love, who thinks the Church has too many rules, who has set up themselves more rules than they can handle, anyone who feels they're beyond forgiveness, anyone who has forgotten the matchless power of our God's love. This is also great for converts (Chieko joined the Church when she was 15), for women (Chieko is also one of these), for mothers, for doubters, for those burdened with sin and shortcomings (I'm sure all of us fit into one of those categories). Really, read this book to be reminded of how much He loves you. 

"When we build for eternity, we need not make haste."

Aloha!, Chieko Okazaki, p 42